Trying to Protect My Girls’ Rights

While her little sister enjoyed a sleepover at a friend’s house a few weeks ago, I decided it was time to introduce Zoe to Dirty Dancing. I have a whole list of movies I’ve been dying to introduce Zoe to, but with her crazy schedule, its a rare night when we can watch a movie together. It had been close to 20 years since I had seen the movie and yet, I could still recite most of it, as well as sing the Kellerman’s theme song (much to the dismay of both my husband and daughter). The first time I saw the movie I was 10-ish – we watched the movie at a friend’s birthday sleepover. While we loved the movie, imitated the dancing, and giggled about Johnny and Baby – not one of us truly understood what was going on with Penny. It was the ’80’s -it was totally normal to watch an inappropriate movie without any adult supervision. I was closer to Zoe’s age (15) when I finally “got” the whole issue with Penny. Zoe absolutely got it on her first viewing. When the movie was over I asked Zoe what she thought of it – of course I was imagining her saying “it was great, Mom, now I know why you love it so much” or “I finally got to see one of the most iconic movies ever! That was awesome!”. You know, one of those parenting moments you dream about…but nope. Zoe’s response was “it was cute.” Cute. She thought Dirty Dancing was CUTE. I still haven’t recovered from that comment. I thought her response was so shocking I shared it on my personal Facebook page just to see what kind of reactions it got. Not surprisingly at all, every single commenter agreed with me. Zoe was kind enough to find the comments amusing and admit maybe she thought it was a little better than “cute”. 

The thing that has stuck with me since then – and where I veer into risky territory – the overarching theme of Dirty Dancing is Penny’s “situation”. This is a subject that has been heavy on my heart and mind since the Supreme Court overthrew Roe in June. I’ve started multiple posts about it and abandoned them for various reasons. But the response I got about a silly post regarding Dirty Dancing has stuck with me now for weeks. And please don’t think I don’t respect the beliefs of others. I absolutely do, and for those who are pro-life – no one would ever force you to get an abortion. I just want the option there for other women, my daughters, in particular, should they ever need it. I’m baffled by the comments from people I truly love, but know don’t support abortion – like how can you truly love Dirty Dancing and not support a woman’s right to choose a safe, legal option? It really doesn’t compute in my brain. Without Penny “getting knocked up by Robbie”, there is no need for Baby to learn to dance. Without Penny’s opportunity to get in with a “real M.D.”, Johnny doesn’t have a need for a new partner. It comes down to this: NONE of Dirty Dancing happens without Penny’s need for an abortion. When I first “got” Penny’s issue, it was the early ’90’s- I knew something like Penny’s reality would never happen to me because should I ever need an abortion, it was perfectly safe and legal, a healthcare right guaranteed by the Constitution. Fast forward 30 years and my 15 year old isn’t so confident that right will always be here for her in Pennsylvania. Its already not guaranteed by the Constitution like it was for me, and if certain politicians have their way, it won’t be available in PA at all. Anyone who has watched Dirty Dancing knows, Robbie was a schmoozing asshole – we have all known guys like that – whether its 1963 or 2022. Guys like him will always exist – they’ll convince a girl they love them and then walk away. And there will always be girls like Penny – whose career does not allow time, space, or the ability to financially support a baby. Do I think abortion is an appropriate form of birth control? Repetitively, no, absolutely not – there are far better options out there. But a one-off? ABSOLUTELY. This is not about not caring about the sanctity of life – it is about caring for the women who are already living. Its about women’s rights and women’s healthcare. There are far too many children in the foster care system as it is, as well as so many children barely getting by for a variety of reasons. And the whole push to have women give their babies up for adoption? Well, that still requires a woman go through with an entire pregnancy. And guess what – for many women, even those of us that desperately wanted babies, pregnancy SUCKS. It is life altering and permanently changes your body. This is something no man can truly understand or appreciate, because they will NEVER EVER experience it. Its also why I really cannot wrap my head around any woman ever being stringently pro-life. Yes, while some women love being pregnant and have easy deliveries, that is not the experience for all of us.I think maybe the difficulties I suffered through both my pregnancies have made me more pro-choice. My struggles were not THAT serious, but serious enough, that I would never wish that experience on anyone who was not ready and/or able to parent a child. Not to mention the recovery required from delivering a baby – six weeks is not enough time to fully recuperate. It takes 9 months to grow a tiny human, it actually takes your body that long after to fully heal. Don’t believe me, ask a doctor. So to force a child who was raped, a woman carrying a non-viable fetus, or a woman who just is not in a place to adequately raise a child – to carry a baby to full term is cruel and unusual punishment. Yes, this is my opinion, but it is backed up with a lot of facts. 

I realize this is a divisive subject and my intent is never to push anyone away. I have always been pro-life, its how I was raised – and my beliefs have only become more solidified as I’ve gotten older and experienced life. I can’t fathom a teenager – who was raped – suffering through torn muscles in her ribs due to her baby growing faster than her body was expanding (yes, this happened to me with Zoe), or suffering through Toxemia in delivery (also happened with Zoe), or having to have a full episiotomy (yes, also Zoe), or having part of the placenta remain attached to her uterus causing her to bleed for 8 weeks postpartum, that then required a D&C (yep, still with Zoe). I was 10 days shy of 29 when I gave birth to Zoe and it was a hellacious experience only made livable through the gift of my beautiful baby girl, my amazing husband, and the support of friends and family. So many women don’t have that type of support system! Zara was far less dramatic overall, but the first 12 weeks were quite scary with a low-lying placenta that required near total bedrest. I was fortunate enough to have a job that allowed for next to no activity – but so many women are not that lucky. And this country does nothing to help those women – they are literally frowned upon for needing help – and yet so many want to force them to give birth no matter how they became pregnant. Worse yet, are women who are carrying a baby they no will never survive. How absolutely cruel to force them to continue carrying that baby! The lack of compassion, empathy, and respect for women in these situations is heartbreaking. I know most people have their minds made up on this issue – if I can influence even just one person to take pause and think about what I’ve said here, I’ll be happy with that. If you are one of the many women who love Dirty Dancing, you really do need to give some serious thought before casting your vote tomorrow.